Let’s talk Orgasms. Female ones, that is.
When I was a teenager getting in touch with her own sexuality, I stumbled upon the clitoris. It immediately felt good. After a few minutes of acute fantasizing and taking the little button for a ride , I discovered that I was entitled to seven minutes in heaven without having to do a single good deed (and I could imagine doing a lot of naughty deeds while I was at it 😉 ). Ain’t that grand?
As years went away, I grew more accustomed to the routine, and got much, much better at it (obviously). I found other erogenous zones, including the G spot. In the meanwhile, I also found something else- that the primary sex organ from where all the orgasms came, was my brain! The better the fantasy, the easier it is to orgasm.
You see, I am a die hard romantic. No I don’t believe in fairies and unicorns and Prince Charming (anymore) but I do believe that you only have one true love. When you find him/her, you’ll know, because it’s a lock and key mechanism.( I know you can unlock a lock with a hairpin as well, but that’s mostly a hit and a miss, except for expert burglars). And that was when I was going to begin my real life sex (when I met the right guy).
It must sound ridiculous to you, but it worked out for me! I met the exact right guy (perrrrfect for me 🙂 ) in my twenties, and I married him 🙂 and we’ve been happy ever since. I’m so glad I waited. However, that’s not the subject matter of this post. I’m trying to tell you how different (or similar) real life love making is from, um,self love.
Let’s first see the differences between the clitoris and the G spot (the most common spots of origin for female orgasms). The clitoris is not very subtle. Yes, she’s a little princess and can get real sore real fast from over stimulation, but she gives every time (at least 90% of the time). The vagina, however, is a different sort of lady altogether. She’s a queen, and to awaken her is hard (pun intended) work. When she’s awake, she’s demanding, and wouldn’t give you peace of mind until she gets what she wants. And unlike the clitoris, she doesn’t get tired. A single orgasm may sometimes be not enough to send her over the edge. She’s ready to go on all night.
Finding the G spot is easy. When you’re not aroused, put in a finger and check behind the pubic bone for an area that feels a little like the roof of your mouth (on the side of the belly button, not the side of the butt) and you feel like you’ve to pee. You make a come hither motion for five minutes or so, and you immediately decide this is no fun (you might actually have peed a little by now) and you may give up. But the good news is, you’ve found your G spot. But why doesn’t it work yet? Well, that’s because for most women, the G spot doesn’t yield much pleasure until she’s highly aroused (read drippin’ wet) and she NEEDS.SEX. NOW.
Once you introduce your guy to your G spot and he starts working it (mine’s a fast learner, fortunately. Hey, I hardly ever had to give instructions! Sometimes I wonder if he can read minds…he sure is good looking enough to be a vampire 😉 ) you’ll notice you’re helpless, almost desperate to finish, you make sex noises (never happens with clitoral orgasms for me) and you don’t want him to stop till you get your finish. Always start with fingers and then switch to a penis, as it may take more than 10-15 mins on a good day for the first O to show up (especially if you’re a G spot beginner).
Are G spot Os better than clitoral Os? I think not. Both can be intense and pleasurable. However, the G spot ones feel better during the stimulation (at least for me, but it could be because I’m not the one stimulating it- most of the time), and it gives you the possibility of cumming during penetrative sex (which leaves both the partners satisfied). There are women who say clitoral Os are localized and G spot ones involve the whole body. Every woman is different. In my case- all my Os, irrespective of their place of origin (okay, if I’m in the right mood I cant get off from a few other spots as well), are full body experiences.
Hence, it is highly important not to focus on a single erogenous zone. Women are blessed because we have multiple erogenous zones- the nipples, the clitoris, the G spot, even the inner thighs, back of the neck and the cervix, for some. They all work together to get you to that coveted O. Women are physiologically capable of having more pleasure than men. We are not meant to have painful first time sex (which can arise from vaginismus and insufficient lubrication)- I’ve never had painful sex in my entire life, and I can assure you I’m not particularly roomy down there. Many don’t realize that trying to have sex with a half-aroused vagina is like trying to have sex with a half-erect penis. And you wouldn’t do the latter, would you?
True, you could have all the orgasms you want if you know a little anatomy. It shouldn’t matter if you’re flying solo, nesting with the love of your life or rubbing wings with a complete stranger. Of flying with an entire flock, for that matter. However, in real life, most women don’t have orgasms from sex ,they have them from making love. The reason behind this is very simple, and it’s something I’ve mentioned before- the biggest sex organ in your body is the brain.
If you don’t trust your partner completely , cannot relax completely and let yourself go in front of him/her, you most probably will not reach your finale. Of course, technique matters. Communication matters. Size matters too (to an extent. You don’t want it to be tiny, you don’t want freakin’ huge either). But what matters more is emotional bonding, physical attraction (it doesn’t matter if others find your partner hot, but you absolutely have to) and not worrying over how jiggly your ass is when you’re doing a reverse cowboy.
Pardon me if I sound corny when I say this- you have to find the perfect key to unlock your orgasmic potential…